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Books For Tweens & Teens

Parenting a tweenager (around 9-12 years old), when puberty begins can be a stressful time for the whole household, with hormones running rampant, bodies sprouting hair, new smells, and kids trying to figure out what is normal. Below is a list of books (with information about them below each one) for you and /or your child to read during this time, to help everyone out.

Some more tips before having “the talk” with your child (or any talk, really):

  • Try to be calm and open about the topic (pay attention to your body language and tone of voice).
  • Avoid shame.
  • Accept & support their feelings.
  • Set rational and consistent limits.
  • Encourage your child to ask you questions, and to learn that coming to you with their thoughts is never bad.

THE BOOKS

  • “Everything You NEVER Wanted Your Kids To Know About Sex (but were afraid they’d ask)” by Richardson & Schuster

This is really the best book for parents to read on the subject. It tackles every stage of development, as well as other topics, such as homosexuality. I recommend starting to read this book when your child is young, although it’s never too late to learn.

  •  “The Care & Keeping of YOU 1: The Body Book for Younger Girls” by Natterson, from AmericanGirl

This is the most popular puberty book in the market. My tween patients report that they love this book. It goes over what to expect in puberty, and how to take care of girls’ changing bodies. It is full of illustrations. Rated age 8-10, this book is best before puberty really starts. Once puberty is in full swing, the 2nd version of this book is better (see below).

  •  “The Care & Keeping of YOU 2: The Body Book for Older Girls” by Natterson, from AmericanGirl

Rated age 10-12, this book is the second in the series, not a newer version of the first. It is for girls with some understanding of puberty, who need more details. It goes over the physical and emotional changes of puberty, but also practicalities, such as how to insert a tampon. It still has a simple writing style and lots of illustrations, so it is not recommended for older teenagers.

  •  “Guy Stuff: the Body Book for Boys” by Natterson

This is the boy’s equivalent book to the popular girl version “The Care and Keeping of YOU 1” mentioned above. It is rated age 9-12, but having read it, I think it is more for 8-10 year olds. Every page is full of illustrations, and it covers just the basics of puberty: changing body, changing voice, mood, bullying, shaving, eating well, exercising, but not sex. Unfortunately, there is no part 2 for older boys.

  • “Boy’s Guide to Becoming a Teen” by Middelman & Pfeifer, from The American Medical Association

This is the book I like to use for older tween and teen boys. It has simple, but thorough, medically accurate information about growing, puberty, and sex. There is a chapter on masturbation. There are still some cartoonish pictures and it does not go into a lot of detail, so it is probably best for ages 10-13.

  • “Let’s Talk About S-E-X” by Gitchell & Foster, from Planned Parenthood

Rated for ages 9-12, this book is meant to be read by tweens and their parents, to help with understanding and open discussion. The end of many sections have questions to open discussion and learn. The end of the book has a section to help parents talk to their kids about sex. It also lists websites for tweens, teens, and parents, to further the discussion, with good, age-appropriate information. Despite the name of the book, it does not go into depth about sex, but does provide basic, medically accurate information, without shame. I highly recommend this book for all families with kids starting puberty.

  • “A Smart Girl’s Guide: Knowing What to Say: Finding the Words to Fit Any Situation” by Criswell, from AmericanGirl

Tips, techniques, and actual suggested conversations for how to handle more than 200 situations common for tweens. Rated age 8-12. Helps kids handle real life. Part of the Smart Girls series, but good for all genders.

  • “A Smart Girl’s Guide: Drama, Rumors & Secrets: Staying True to Yourself” by Holyoke, from AmericanGirl

Reviews indicate younger kids and those starting middle school tend to get the most out of this, but a lot of the book talks about social media or phone etiquette, which may not be useful to younger girls. Rated age 8-12. Best read by both tweens and their parents, to help open up discussion, as well as help kids with the drama they may face at school. My only critique is that this is written for girls, when it could be written regardless of gender.

  •  “It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health” by Harris & Emberley

This book is rated for age 10 and up, and is the best selling book in “children’s sexuality” on Amazon, but it is not my favorite. It has a lot of information, including topics such as birth control and abortion, but still uses cartoons, which may make it unappealing to older kids. It is good for younger tweens, if you do not mind them reading about all topics on sexuality, and want to discuss it with them afterwards.

For books recommendations for younger children, please see my previous blog post on the topic: Private Parts.

For information on protecting your child from sexual abuse, as well as talking about sex, I recommend The Mama Bear Effect. 

For families of trans youth, I recommend starting with The TransYouth Family Allies, as well as the resources from one of  the large trans youth centers at most major children’s hospitals. Here in Los Angeles, both CHLA and UCLA have centers to help trans children. 

Note: cover photo borrowed from https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-difficult-subjects

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Private Parts: Talking to Your Child About Their Bodies, Behavior, and Babies

It is important to start speaking with your children about their bodies and behavior at an early age. If you create an open dialogue, without shame, your children will feel free to bring you their questions throughout their lives. This is often an uncomfortable topic for parents, so I have created a list of books and resources to help you get through it (scroll down). I also encourage you to discuss any questions you have on the topic with your child’s pediatrician (we are always here to help!).

Some tips:

  • Watch out for everyday opportunities to teach your child about privacy and hygiene.
  • Encourage your child to ask you questions, to learn that they can feel comfortable coming to you with their thoughts.
  • Try to be calm and open about the topic (pay attention to your body language and tone of voice).
  • Give simple and short answers.
  • Make sure your answers are age appropriate.
  • Young children take everything you say literally, so avoid metaphors.
  • Use anatomically correct terms for their body parts (i.e. penis and vulva, not “weewee”)
  • Avoid shame and ridicule.
  • Become closer to your child by showing them that you accept & support their feelings.
  • Set rational and consistent limits.

Here is a great blogpost by Dr. Claire McCarthy on getting started with the conversation: “6 Tips For Talking To Your Kids About Sex.”

I also recommend looking at the website “Empowering Our Children,” which is designed to teach parents how to protect their children from sexual abuse.

The “ScaryMommy” website has a good post on what these conversations with toddlers may look like.

My Book Recommendations:

For parents to read overall:

This is the best book for parents to read on the subject. It tackles every sexual stage of development from infancy (yup, some babies masturbate) through adolescence, as well as age-less topics, such as homosexuality. I recommend starting to read this book when your child is young, although it’s never too late to learn.

Books to read with your children (or for them to read by themselves), by age group:

Toddlers & Pre-Schoolers:

My favorite overall book for toddlers. Teaches basic anatomy, privacy, and even how babies are born.

A very simple book on pregnancy and birth to read to young children. No lies (e.g the stork), but no anatomy or private parts mentioned either.

This book is great for families that conceived via IVF, adoption, surrogacy, or traditional means. It talks about sperm, egg, uterus, and birth, but each as its own thing, and at the end it asks, “Who was waiting for you to be born?” Technically accurate, but simple, with cartoonish illustrations.

This is the classic “how babies are made” children’s book, but take a look through this book before buying it, as it is may be too explicit for some families (see the anecdote at the end of this blog post).

This book discusses inappropriate touching/abuse. It does not discuss development or how babies are made.

School Age Children:

Covers all of the basics, including proper anatomy, mostly with diagrams, and a little cartoon guidebird.

Tweens:

Very similar to the school-age version by Harris (above), but with more words, less illustrations, and more details.

My tween patients report that they love this book. It goes over what to expect in puberty and how to take care of girls’ changing bodies. This book includes discussions on hygiene and how to use menstrual products. There is a version for boys. There is also a version with the number 2 at the end for teenagers.

Dr. Stuppy and the Mighty Girl website also have good posts on discussing puberty.

A Funny Story About Me:

When I was 3 years old, my mother (who is a pediatrician as well) read me the book “Where Did I Come From?” I went to my religious nursery school and proceeded to tell everyone, “I was the fastest sperm!” Some of the other parents were not happy when their own children went home and repeated the same thing to them. My mom got a stern ‘talking to’ by the school. We still laugh about it, to this day. The moral of the story? Teach your children about their bodies and development before anyone else does, or you may not be happy with what they learn 😉

For newer blog posts on the subject, as they come out, you can also follow my pinterest boards on Teenagers, Parenting, and Kids’ Health.